EVALS:
Feels like my success in these leagues is a freakin coin flip. The idea that I might have any real wisdom to share is worth a chuckle, and I have almost no time, so instead I will do something else (less). Midge was luke-warm on my squad last season, and I went on to lead the league in wins and get a ring, so at least the bar has been set quite low…so I am up (down) for that challenge, and will take it somewhat more seriously than I take cleaning my kids’ fish tank on a regular schedule.
I’ve broken the league down into four quartiles, and given each team a Berkie Score, which is all-encompassing, and represents your team’s chances of succeeding this season. Nothing more, nothing less. Simply a rating that defines your team in every way that matters…I have also included a snarky comment for each team. Trust me, it’s better than me trying to act like I can tell who is good just by looking at the names.
So, without further ado (about nothing), I present the Berkie system:
Quartile 1
jethroeg
Berkie score - 69
Julius Erving, Julius Erving, Shawn Kemp, Deron Williams, Josh Smith, Kobe Bryant, Vince Carter
Snarky Comment: Dr J two times! I thought clones were banned. Sneaky value in the 2nd round. I’ve always loved Deron, which means he’s probably trash.
redbooda
Berkie score - 96
Larry Bird, Elton Brand, Zach LaVine, Alonzo Mourning, Patrick Ewing, Brandon Ingram, Mark Jackson
Snarky Comment: This looks like a team of all players I don’t like using, which means you might be just fine. This squad has no chill. All business.
thomcat
Berkie score - 126
Dwight Howard, James Harden, Larry Nance, Marcus Camby, Terry Porter, JaVale McGee, Adrian Dantley
Snarky Comment: I like the balance, but I also like watching Married at First Sight, so take it with a salt crystal.
ncih
Berkie score - 134
Luka Doncic, Andre Drummond, Bob McAdoo, Klay Thompson, Nicolas Batum, Evan Fournier, Dewayne Dedmon
Snarky Comment: I think Luka (like me) is better in real life than in WIS. Opposite is true for Drummond. I feel like Fournier and Dedmon are besties for some reason, and that both like eating popcorn late at night.
longtallbrad
Berkie score - 148
Wilt Chamberlain, John Stockton, Manu Ginobili, Kyle Anderson, Troy Murphy, JaMychal Green, Russell Westbrook
Snarky Comment: The average player on this squad has slept with 1500 people.
PBandJ
Berkie score - 154
Steph Curry, Bam Adebayo, Bill Russell, Gerald Wallace, Eric Bledsoe, Alvin Robertson, Jamario Moon
Snarky Comment: First glance is that you’ve managed to put together a Steph team that doesn’t hit the three much, but you also don’t seem to rebound much. That said, looks fun!
Quartile 2
uptowngbv
Berkie score - 155
Giannis Antetokounmpo, Dwyane Wade, Domantas Sabonis, Andrei Kirilenko, Tree Rollins, Onyeka Okongwu, Bradley Beal
Snarky Comment: I like this squad, makes me question the validity of the Berkie score. I could see wishing you hit the three ball a little more.
amerk1180
Berkie score - 155
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Damian Lillard, Draymond Green, Serge Ibaka, Walt Frazier, Kris Humphries, Jalen Johnson
Snarky Comment: Inside/Outside thing with Dray and Serge…I think you might just outperform the Berkie score, which is odd, since it’s all-encompassing…
RIFTONAPPLE
Berkie score - 160
Michael Jordan, Chet Holmgren, Jason Kidd, Mitchell Robinson, Trayce Jackson-Davis, Tyreke Evans, Kenneth Faried
Snarky Comment: RIP ronsouth! Hope this team makes a run!
copernicus
Berkie score - 177
Nikola Jokic, Nic Claxton, Kyrie Irving, Bobby Portis, Ben Simmons, Jerry Lucas, Pascal Siakam
Snarky Comment: When I first joined WIS, I was complaining that the open leagues had all these clones, and I thought you all must be 11 year old kids. Then I saw Copernicus on a zoom meeting, and I remember thinking, “Wait, what’s going on here? Why would a fifty year old man want to have a team with Stockton, Stockton, Rodman, Rodman, Lebron?” And then I realized it was because the level of nerdom was higher than I could have ever imagined.
samuelyork93
Berkie score - 192
Kevin Garnett, Ben Wallace, Dikembe Mutombo, Scottie Pippen, Gary Payton, Chris Andersen, David West
Snarky Comment: Sam- this is the 52m league. The DDL for 1990-2000 is not for a few months.
berkelon
Berkie score - 192
Kevin Durant, Charles Barkley, Victor Oladipo, Evan Mobley, Kevin Love, Enes Kanter, Charlie Ward
Snarky Comment: As usual, I love my team and have absolutely no clue how it will do. It’s like christmas morning in every league for me, in that I have incredibly high hopes and will probably end up sadly disappointed. Thanks a lot, mom!
Quartile 3
dontburnearl
Berkie score - 200
Anthony Davis, Jimmy Butler, Shawn Marion, Montrezl Harrell, Scottie Barnes, Buck Williams, Delon Wright
Snarky Comment: Butler and Marion are like dress shoes with no socks for me: other people can pull it off, but not me.
dh555
Berkie score - 209
Shaquille O’Neal, Bill Walton, Daniel Gafford, Jarrett Allen, Chauncey Billups, Paul Reed, Clyde Drexler
Snarky Comment: Bold play to wait until the 5th to get your PG, but it worked. Whole lotta Clyde coming up!
gerryred
Berkie score - 217
LeBron James, Tyson Chandler, Nikola Vucevic, Jakob Poeltl, Otto Porter, Jr., Jarred Vanderbilt, Jonathan Isaac
Snarky Comment: LeBron has to be one of the top 10 players in WIS.
riftonapple
Berkie score - 223
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Moses Malone, Victor Wembanyama, Derrick Favors, CJ McCollum, Kristaps Porzingis, Alex Caruso, Al Horford
Snarky Comment: This team has six guys I’ve never used. Probably a wise choice.
24kpyrite
Berkie score - 228
David Robinson, Karl-Anthony Towns, Jayson Tatum, Michael Porter, Jr., Andre Iguodala, Marquese Chriss, Harrison Barnes
Snarky Comment: Twin towers with strong wings and no true PG. This approach is above my pay-grade.
seapilots
Berkie score - 237
DeAndre Jordan, Jrue Holiday, Magic Johnson, Amare Stoudemire, Anfernee Hardaway, Mike Conley, Roy Tarpley
Snarky Comment: This team looks a lot like my championship team from last year (jrue, penny, amare). That said, you have Magic and I had Steph, so maybe not so similar. Berkie likes you, though.
Quartile 4
Midge
Berkie score - 249
Hakeem Olajuwon, Tim Duncan, John Collins, Donyell Marshall, Herbert Jones, Tyus Jones, Jamal Murray
Snarky Comment: What can I say about Midge’s team that hasn’t already been said about syphilis?
chewy3344
Berkie score - 251
Rudy Gobert, Paul George, Tyrese Haliburton, Horace Grant, Robert Parish, T.J. McConnell, Richaun Holmes
Snarky Comment: I wonder how the Chewy score and the Berkie score would do if they spent an evening together…I don’t mean a date, but maybe a night spent talking on the couch…maybe some wine, maybe some weed, maybe they both take DMT and meet the giant insects…I’ve said too much.
steelers821
Berkie score - 251
Kawhi Leonard, Joel Embiid, Chris Boucher, Christian Wood, Joakim Noah, Terrell Brandon, Larry Sanders
Snarky Comment: I had Kawhi and Embiid a few seasons back, and it was ***. I’m sure you’ll clean it up.
jackedjamie
Berkie score - 258
Dennis Rodman, Clint Capela, Jonas Valanciunas, Bobby Jones, Zion Williamson, Mookie Blaylock, Jaylen Brown
Snarky Comment: They fixin to rebound, and some of them play D. Will Jaylen and Zion carry the load offensively? Or offensively drop a load? Very different propositions. Lots to consider.
dBKC
Berkie score - 262
Karl Malone, Hassan Whiteside, Derrick White, Robert Williams, Brent Barry, Danny Green
Snarky Comment: The rest of this snarky comment is in Utah, with
raggedclaws
Berkie score - 295
Chris Paul, Kevin McHale, Walker Kessler, Donovan Mitchell, Jaren Jackson, Jr., Brandon Clarke, Gary Payton II
Snarky Comment: Decent rizz factor, not a lot of sigma energy, I am him.