Out Out Damn Spot

Family Makes Tough Decision To Put Aging Grandpa In US Senate

The Babylon Bee

Investigators Beginning To Suspect Claudine Gay's Novel 'Larry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone' May Have Been Plagiarized

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Harvard President Claudine Gay is facing new plagiarism allegations, following accusations earlier this week that she had plagiarized portions of her 1997 Ph.D. dissertation and three other published works. Investigators now suspect Gay's novel Larry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone may have also been plagiarized.

"To the layperson's eye, Larry Potter may just seem like an original book about a boy with a scar on his cheek who is whisked away to Dogwarts School for Warlocks," said lead investigator Pam Smithers, "But subtle clues suggest she may have taken some ideas from another, yet-to-be-disclosed author."

In response to allegations of plagiarism, President Gay issued the following statement, "The beloved characters Larry Potter, Donald Measley, and Hermanette Goonger came from my own, brilliant, black, and gay mind. Additionally, ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. I have not yet begun to fight. This day will live in infamy."

At publishing time, investigators had stumbled upon a new discovery during a routine search of Gay's home: a copy of the Bible having the cover inscribed with "by Claudine Gay."

well i'm glad i got my shots because i didn die

because i'm not swedish

thanks trump and biden for usin the science and the medicine and the doctors and the nurses to keep me safe

thank you don

thank you joe

total preciation

now could you both step aside

George Santos Gets New Job As Fact-Checker At The New York Times
MEDIA· Dec 22, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

NEW YORK, NY — Embattled former New York Congressman George Santos has landed on his feet following his ouster from the U.S. House of Representatives, with the announcement that he has been hired as a fact-checker at The New York Times.

"There's no one more qualified for this job than George Santos," said Garrett Bradley, a spokesman for the newspaper. "We at The New York Times, as we have throughout the history of our proud publication, prioritize truth, transparency, and honesty in reporting the news and keeping the public well-informed. Adding a former congressman who has a reputation for trustworthiness and integrity is a no-brainer."

Santos had been embroiled in controversy for months, drawing criticism from members of both parties before being officially expelled from Congress. He expressed relief at not being unemployed for long. "This is a dream come true," Santos said about the new job. "Working for The New York Times is something I've dreamed about ever since I was a young child growing up in the Pridelands of Southern Africa. Unfortunately, my father, Mufasa, was killed in a horrible accident, dashing my hopes of working as a fact-checker at a major newspaper. Today, I've come full circle!"

At publishing time, Santos had already been fired from his new position for accidentally printing something factual.

he should write a tell-all

that would get him on the new york times best-sellers list

I wonder if they have a "BEST TELLERS" list.




Merry Christmas

what trump a hunnert years from now is gonna be famous for is

wreckage

if some great patriot or criminal puts a bullet knife elbow phalange needle crazy russian cocktail

in his medulla

the perp will be known by me as Not That Bad

I have a question for my conservative friends out there. One of MAGAs claims about Jan 6th is that it was either FBI agents or antifa costumed like MAGAs to cause trouble for the MAGAs and Trump. If either of those are true why do the Republican candidates all say they will pardon the J6 prisoners?? It doesn't make sense.

who's phoebe who's rachel

all i'm sayin is if trump gets karate chopped by a gracies toe just under the occipital

well deserved

tasteless if his head rolls off

but the price he pays for bein a never ending butt f*ck

election coming

let's get ready to rumble