Fake news strikes again! "I need the kind of generals Hitler had"
And Now The Atlantic Might Become Engulfed in a Journalistic Scandal for This Fake Story
Matt Vespa
News for the Deranged
Democrats Explain Trump Was Going To Be Hitler During His First Term, But He Forgot
POLITICS· Oct 23, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
U.S. — Democrats have warned that if elected a second time, Donald Trump will be an evil dictator just like Adolf Hitler. When asked why Trump didn't become Hitler during his first term, Democrats explained that he simply forgot.
"Trump meant to be Hitler, but he forgot," explained Vice President Harris in a press conference at the White House. "Being Hitler just totally slipped his mind. Make no mistake, if Trump is elected again, he absolutely plans to turn into Hitler and probably will write himself a reminder this time."
According to retired General John Kelly, former President Trump often talked about how he kept meaning to find time to be Hitler, but he kept getting distracted by other things. "On several occasions, Trump told me word for word, 'This is it. This is the week I'm going to go be Hitler Plusewise I want my generals to be more like Hitlers generals.' But then, Trump would get started doing something like handing out candy to Minions and he would completely forget," explained Kelly. "This time he has written himself lots of notes telling himself to not forget to turn into literal Hitler. It's terrifying."
At publishing time, Democrats had warned that Trump would have seized the military to install himself as Emperor God during his first term, but luckily he got distracted by making red hats.
9 Ways Trump Is Exactly Like Hitler
POLITICS· Oct 23, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
It's time to confront the reality that the media has been trying to warn you about for nearly a decade: Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler are exactly the same. If you still deny the blatantly obvious evidence, maybe you'll be swayed by cold, hard facts.
1.
Mein Kampf is German for The Art Of The Deal: Some people may try to tell you that's not the correct translation, but that's just revisionist history.
2. Both were called Hitler by their political opponents: Obviously not a coincidence.
3. If you rearrange the letters in "Trump" (while eliminating the U, M, and P and adding H, I, L, and E) it spells "Hitler": Things like this don't just happen by chance.
4. Both briefly worked at McDonald's: Hitler reportedly loved serving up nein-piece Chicken McNuggets.
5. They have the exact same mustache but Trump's is blonde so you can't see it: Trust us.
6. WW2 and January 6th were basically the same: If you don't believe J6 was that bad, you can subscribe to The Babylon Bee and watch a documentary that will prove it.
7. Hitler was a painter and Trump one time did pottery in a commercial: This is no accident.
8. Both had cameos in major films: Trump in Home Alone 2, Hitler in Blitzkrieg Of Poland, which are essentially the same.
9. Hitler also got two scoops of ice cream when journalists only got one: The true mark of a genocidal fascist.
The Democrats have been saying for eight years now that Trump is Hitler, but we have foolishly failed to listen. We hope this list helps redeem oursleves.
Message from the General:
Hey. Back in 2017 or 2018 or something, I was standing around and Trump walked by me one day and said "I wish my generals were like Hitlers generals." And then he fired me for no reason.
I kinda forgot about it over the years but then just the other day I remembered it and thought I better go on PMSNBC and tell you guys. Thank the stars I remembered it just in time for the election.
Please vote for Kamala. Then I'll get a job and Liz Cheney can be Defense Secretary. Dick Cheney will probably be riding shotgun.
Thanks you guys.
WATCH: Florida Congressman Shuts Down CNN Anchor's Spin on Atlantic Hit Piece, Accusations of 'Fascism'
Sister Toldjah. (
Worst Allegation Yet? Woman Alleges In 1993 Trump Touched Her Inappropriately With Classified Documents While Praising Hitler
POLITICS· Oct 24, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
NEW YORK CITY, NY — In a groundbreaking series of new allegations, a woman has come forward to accuse Trump of inappropriately touching her with a set of classified documents while simultaneously praising Adolph Hitler.
"He came at me and groped my rear end while holding a fistful of classified documents in his other hand," alleged victim Marcia Webster told the press. "He was yelling something about wanting to annex Poland and how much he admired Hitler, it was terrible."
The New York Times ran the story without verifying details of the account, which purport to have taken place in the back of an old Blockbuster video store, even though the location of the Blockbuster closed three years before the alleged event.
"No, I'm absolutely sure it was there, in the back of the store, next to the copy of Titanic and Armageddon, both having come out in 1999, the year Trump assaulted me."
At publishing time, Blasey Ford accused Trump of placing a noose around her neck while yelling "This is MAGA country" before pouring red paint all over her while Brett Kavanaugh held her down, an incident she says happened in 2000 during the Salt Lake City Olympics.