Donald Trump Vs. Joe Biden Rap Battle!

U.S. — As she traveled across the country on Air Force 2 this morning, Vice President Kamala Harris surveyed the clouds, wondering which one was storing all of her data.

"It's just so incredible they figured out how to store data in clouds. I wonder which one is mine?" said Harris, scanning the horizon. "Gosh, it could be any of them."

While in-flight, Harris reportedly tried saving data from her laptop onto the cloud to see if she could witness the data being launched into the sky. "Let's try again, let me just press 'save to cloud' here. Did you see anything?? Aw, shoot. I keep missing it!" sighed Harris. "Gee, I wonder how they tell the cloud to send the data back to my laptop? Science is amazing."

According to sources, the enchantment wore off suddenly as Harris became deeply concerned about what happened to her data on sunny days. "Where does it go? What if my cloud floats all the way to China?" asked Harris to bewildered aides. "That could be catastrophic. Call the Pentagon! Why has nothing been done to ensure my cloud stays secure? We must act quickly!"

At publishing time, several F-22 Raptors has been scrambled from a nearby Air Force base with orders to safely escort any nearby clouds to Washington, D.C.

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Kamala Harris Attempting to Explain “Cloud Storage” Sparks Meme Fest | SoSouth

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the first major gaffe of her campaign, a heavily inebriated Kamala Harris accidentally chose the wrong Jewish guy named "Shapiro" as her Vice Presidential running mate.

"Come on up here Ben! Haha you and your adorable yarmulka hahaha," laughed Harris at the press conference. "I thought you wore glasses? Whatever. Woo, Pennsylvania is ours!"

According to sources, Harris was quite defensive when campaign aides pointed out her slight error. "Geez, lay off," said Harris, holding herself up with a parking meter. "He's white, Jewish, and named 'Shapiro.' I was pretty dang close. How different can they really be?"

Though initially caught off guard by the announcement, Ben Shapiro sent shockwaves through the political landscape by accepting the nomination. "Am I going to need massive amounts of valium to tolerate being around Kamala? Sure. Will I have to rupture my own eardrums? Definitely," explained Shapiro. "Still, it will be worth it to be the proverbial hacker, destroying the Democratic empire from the inside. Speaking of hackers, don't forget to stop over at Express VPN and use promocode 'BEN4VP' for 20% off your first three months of ultra-secure internet."

At publishing time, Harris had reportedly asked Shapiro if he "could, like, talk way slower."

PALM BEACH, FL — Members of the media were caught off guard today and expressed confusion after seeing a presidential candidate standing in front of cameras and answering questions.

The incident occurred today at the Mar-a-Lago resort estate of former President Donald Trump, where the media gathered in dumbfounded silence and stared in bewilderment at an actual presidential candidate standing right in front of them and answering their questions.

"What… what strange practice is this?" one journalist was heard asking as he observed the surreal event of Trump answering a reporter's question. "Let me get this straight… this guy is running for president, and he's actually standing there in front of cameras and he's… fielding questions from the media? And he wasn't given the questions in advance? And he's not reciting scripted answers from a teleprompter? Are we sure this is ok? It feels like we're doing something wrong."

Trump captivated the media as they sat in stunned amazement at the sight of a presidential candidate opening his mouth and saying words he thought of himself while nearby news cameras recorded the entire exchange for the rest of the world to see. "Look at him up there," another reporter marveled. "He's just… letting people ask stuff. And he's giving answers from his brain! I heard about stuff like this in journalism classes at college, but I never thought I'd actually see it with my own eyes. Does this guy even know how to be a presidential candidate? He's not supposed to be doing this. Kamala doesn't do it."

At publishing time, journalists left in shock following the Trump press conference were seen booking flights back to Washington, D.C., where they could return to the safety and comfort of never having to ask a hard question or receiving an honest answer from their democrat friends at White House press briefings. That is if they ever get around to actually having one.

WEIRDO TAMPON TIMMY!!

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