Jan 6 Protesters Request To Be Called 'Undocumented Tourists'
U.S.· Mar 11, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
U.S. — Alleged January 6 protesters have reportedly reached out to the White House, asking to no longer be called rioters or insurrectionists but rather "undocumented tourists."
"I am sick of people using derogatory names to describe tourists like me," said would-be insurrectionist Raymond Stone. "And all I did was take a bunch of selfies for my scrapbook. Didn't even upset the velvet ropes set up in the Capitol rotunda. I shouldn't be punished for entering the Capitol grounds....or the country for that matter...without the proper paperwork."
He added, "I am an undocumented tourist. As such, I deserve a free bus trip to the city of my choice. And don't forget free housing, food stamps and money." The President has thus far dismissed the pleas of the January 6 participants, instead directing the DOJ to detain them for several years without trial until the Supreme Court makes him let them go.
"Come on, man!" said President Biden in a formal written statement released to the public.
Former President Donald Trump has voiced support for January 6 undocumented tourists. "This is a group of people who have been treated badly, very badly, by Sleepy Joe," said Trump to reporters. "These are great Americans who were just looking for election asylum and they were treated very badly by this president. We need to use terms, good terms, much better terms to describe these incredible people who did absolutely nothing wrong. They are undocumented tourists, but they are so much more than that. They are really terrific people."
At publishing time, a lower court briefly authorized the use of the term "undocumented tourists" before the higher District of Columbia court struck it down, renaming those involved in January 6 "violent Democracy killers."
It's true. She has absolutely NOTHING!
MARCH 11, 2024
If you’ve seen one of Joe Biden’s State of the Union addresses, you’ve seen them all.
"Last week, I was cruelly assaulted and insurrected by racist Trump supporters," said the Attorney General in a statement. "Our democracy is no place for firefighters to express their displeasure with the weaponization of the justice system against their preferred candidate. I will not rest until every guilty party has been tracked down and brought to justice. With a $355 million-dollar fine. And maybe also prison. And we'll seize their property. I have a lot of people I wanna take care of. Call it reparations. Thank you."
Sources say that after James had taken the stage to speak at the ceremony, a large group of attendees booed and chanted Trump's name with full malice aforethought. "I've never been so filled with righteous anger," said Letitia James after the incident. "This was a sacred ceremony, and it was stained by the savage voices of those who are not pleased with the way I'm doing my job."To make matters worse, sources close to the firemen claim they have refused to apologize. When reached for a response, one of the perpetrators simply said: "WOOOOOOO! MAGA! I LOVE TRUMP!" with no remorse or apology to the Attorney General.
At publishing time, the firefighters had been further punished with 3 months of NY subway duty.
3/13/2024 3:42 PM (edited)