Biden Announces Plan To Pretend To Care About The Border Until November 6
POLITICS· Jun 5, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With political pressure mounting over the continued border crisis, President Biden has announced a plan to pretend to care about the issue until November 6.
"After issuing executive orders to open the border and let way way over ten million migrants through, while losing track of hundreds and hundreds of thousands of got aways not to mention countless thousands of criminals and rapists and murders and violent gang members and terrorists who will soon start blowing things up, we want everyone to know that now President Biden cares very deeply about border security," said Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, winking for effect. "We 'don't want people crossing the border' to 'vote for Biden' and 'inflate Electoral College votes for Democratic states giving us the Presidency and permanent control of the House of Representatives'," explained Jean-Pierre doing little scare quotes.
According to sources, internal polling on the issue showed that voters would trust a mentally-handicapped rabbit to handle the border over President Biden. "We've got to do something while still letting illegals in. But what?" wondered Democratic strategist Arlo Miles at a meeting. "Wait, I've got it! What if we... pretended to care about the border? It's just so crazy, it might work!"
Journalists praised Biden for his incredible work acting like he cared about the border. "Biden has done an incredible job seeming like this crisis interests him," said MSNBC's Joe Scarbarough. "Biden is such a great leader, and actor, and he's just so handsome and wonderful...and WHY WON'T HE RETURN MY CALLS? WHY?? I LOVE YOU JOE!!!"
At publishing time, the women of THE VIEW were leaking themselves all over Costco while White House sources confirmed democrats planned to keep up the clever ruse for approximately five months and one day.
6/5/2024 2:46 PM (edited)