Alright, I made this its own thread with the mockumentary taking up taking the entire first page so its easy to find and reference. I have wrote most of the first episode, but need help finishing it and would like input from others as to what parts are good, what needs to be changed etc. For the rest of Episode 1, I kinda need a quick history of this site before the update in 2012. Only one problem with that... I joined in September 2012 after the update had already happened. So if you have any insights or want to help me write the script just let me know! I'll be filling in the other episodes throughout the next month or so. Would like to finish around the same time the Savage league ends.

Everything is great so far. I like the part about Gobert and DeAndre being top-20 all time players. Maybe riff off of that part (the absurd differences between this game and real life) with more stuff in that vein:

“We can finally settle classic barbershop debates like: who is the best small forward of all time? Kevin Garnett? Charles Barkley? Or Elton Brand?”

”The website was created to solve classic “what if” debates. Classics such as “what if Nikola Vucevic was the starting center for the Celtics instead of Bill Russell? How many more titles would they have won?”

Before 2012? Hmm. There used to be updates to the SIM engine, not just new player updates; the last one was probably before 2012. The changes to the engine meant constant experimenting to figure out how things work. At first there were no defensive ratings. Then there were! But they sucked, if I recall correctly because they weighted defensive rebounding too heavily (hello Troy Murphy). Then they fixed them, sort of, except for Bill Russell and the formula is completely opaque. At first there were no real coaching settings, then there were (like the +/- settings for changing your positioning, which didn't exist at first) and there were supposed to be a lot more (i.e., assigning defensive matchups) that never came. There was seble, the developer in charge of simleague basketball, who did two developer chats ever for SimLeague basketball, the last one in 2006 (https://www.whatifsports.com/devchat/) and would occasionally post on the forums about updates after that, but I think he got tired of dealing with some a-hole named e-monk (nah, just kidding, he actually just got tired of dealing with the basketball SIM, period). There was kfunk and jakotay and ncmusician and scudmissle and plenty of others who aren't around anymore.

Here's a user interview they did with me in 2008, when I was still young and naive and thought the SLB engine would keep improving (sucker!): http://69.61.143.163/beyondtheboxscore/default.asp?article=interview_20080711. Apparently I used to like Reggie Miller and Bill Russell on my teams, which I don't remember at all.

I don't eavesdrop, but sometimes a fellow overhears things. Some things I heard prior to 2012 (when, as I recall, the advanced stats were devised - i.e., The Update):

Michael Jordan: "Say what? There's a basketball game, a paying CONTEST, in which I'm not the best-value-for-your-money player? Not even player, but shooting guard??" (Takes a deep breath, cracks knuckles, rolls eyes. Listens again.) "Wait...hold on, who outscored me? WHO gets drafted more often than me?" (Snorts, stomps in a circle, kicks a chair over, flings arms wide.) "What...in the blue freaking holy hell...is a RON BOONE?!?"

Bill Russell: "Yeah, yeah, I read that...article or whatever you call it by Bill Simmons. I don't mind people playing some internet game that features me. Pretty sure I haven't seen a dime of the proceeds, though. Figures." (Listens further. Leans in. Head tilts to one side.) "Say that again." (Pause. Somewhere in the room, someone coughs nervously.) "Say that AGAIN? I don't get drafted as much as Gerald freaking Govan??" (Nostrils flare, eyebrows narrow, fists clench.) "Cheap? Oh, yeah - heh, I just bet he was cheap. Do you know he shot worse than me, and he played years and years later and played in the A-fracking-B-snarfing-A? He couldn't throw the ball in the ocean if he was standing so far in the water that his tighty-whities were damp. He couldn't take a rebound from me if he stuck a bazooka up my nose. He's so obscure his own mother wouldn't recognize him if his name were tattooed on his forehead. Are you intelligent enough to be able to count my MVP awards? How about my CHAMPIONSHIPS? Why am I talking to you? Why am I talking to anyone?!?" (Door slams. Footsteps recede in the distance, echoing like angry fingernails on a porcelain countertop in the soiled bathroom of a lonely truck stop in a desolate landscape. Not far away, someone named Gerald rings up a purchase.)

(Door slams. Footsteps recede in the distance, echoing like angry fingernails on a porcelain countertop in the soiled bathroom of a lonely truck stop in a desolate landscape. Not far away, someone named Gerald rings up a purchase.)

hahahaha i love it ltb

dont lift this yet - still more to come but this is how it is shaping up

Episode 2: The Ballad of Seble and the Monkee
Introduction to seble and admin/program deficiencies, Bill Russell quotes galore, Doc Rivers finally living up to his "DeAndre Jordan is a better defender than Bill Russell" quote

(intercut graphic (old west lettering): “The Ballad of Seble and the Monkee”

The sounds of a six shooter going off as in a duel, shot opens on a computer screen, hands typing feverishly... (over the 30 for 30 piano tinkle..)

(Figure in backlight, details blocked/face pixelized-voice distorted by tech etc): "everyone knew it was satire, absolutely everyone. it wasn't even that complicated, it was just the opposite of all the things you actually wanted to do when you build a team. it should have been clear to anyone. I mean, unless you were a complete f-BLEEP-ing a-BLEEP-le..."

{cut to: paparazzo style footage of Scott getting out of a 1998 Ford Explorer and refusing to talk to the reporter on his way into the building }

Narrator: what if I told you…

{Intercut graphic (old west lettering): "It begins…"}

(Figure in backlight, details blocked/face pixelized-voice distorted by tech etc): “so I’ve been on the site for about a year when I get this nice email from Scott, an actual email to my actual personal email address, I think it was my old AOL address - not, you know, just a site mail... {thoughtful pause} anyway he invites me to be part of this council of users who get to beta everything - we did the football, hockey, all the dynasty sports and we got all these free teams. It was pretty sweet…”

Montage footage: early ought’s, Cincinnati city scape, people in dated attire, bad Nu Metal music (not that there’s a good kind) – smash cut to computer screens showing various early iterations of NHLsim, Dynasty Hoop sim et al cut back to:

(Figure in backlight, details blocked/face pixelized-voice distorted by tech etc):”it was me, diz, tyler, Naismith some of the other hard core guys – they set up a separate forum kind of like they did for ben’s more recent theme league deal – only just a few of us had access to the forum. It was like a safe space for criticism of the games” {figure shrugs, takes a sip from what appears to be a tumbler full of brown liquid, sighs} “you know, until it wasn’t…”

Ron Boone! Totally forgot about him. Yeah he was huge for a while wasn’t he.

colonels19!

yeah, trevor has to be in it.

Posted by copernicus on 6/16/2020 7:46:00 PM (view original):
colonels19!

Only person in the NBA community I ever blocked.

Posted by robusk on 6/16/2020 9:54:00 PM (view original):

Posted by copernicus on 6/16/2020 7:46:00 PM (view original):
colonels19!

Only person in the NBA community I ever blocked.

I remember him! Just barely though. He was in the ATBA when I first joined. One of you is going to have to fill me in if I am to include him in the doc.

pretty sure he still spooks around - it would have to be like a smokey-penn-colonels segment? (trevor is not nearly as bad as the other two, he's just a little, shall we say, passionate?)

Posted by copernicus on 6/16/2020 10:18:00 PM (view original):
Narrator: “What is your greatest WIS moment?”: OMG I just remembered !

somewhere around here there is a goldmine of owner/user interviews they used to do - they never did um, that one guy for some reason but


there has to be trove of quotes and ideas around here somewhere

That’s where I found a bunch of the Simmons stuff. And tarheel linked his interview. When I have some time this week I’ll try to track some more down.

TV spot number 1 finished and posted under trailers. This one features Stephen A. Smith. I'm planning on doing some more with other TV personalities.

Feedback appreciated!

Feel free to write your own TV spots!