The year was 2013, and toiling away at his iPhone while watching Baylor basketball play another sorry game, was the great historian Caesari, typing up a history he thought could inform everyone of the best and worst times in GD History.
And thus, the documents produced that night, forever preserving GD culture:
I, Caesari, writing by the prodding of a divine vision, in which I saw Norbert, in the holy light of a new engine.
At first there was nothing... and then there was code. And unto us a game was born, more magnificent than any other, as it combined everyone's favorite things: football, crude jokes, and sitting on their couch.
The times were good. Population soared. The sorta-good-king-slash-developer-who-would-eventually-be-immortalized-as-a-villain, JConte, bequeathed unto the serfs this shiny new toy, for the low price of every extra dollar you can possibly find, whether between the cushions or in a dumpster. The elders of the land saw this time was good, and there was much rejoicing.
Then came the first sign of trouble: alas, a demon had entered the land. Disguised as a woman, "Arfy" began planting seeds of destruction, simply by posting. And soon, more demons infiltrated the GDers.
Turns out JConte had given his soul to the devil because he lost a fiddling competition (long story, for another time) and therefore used these demons as distractions while he sought to destroy the good gift he himself had bequeathed. For as much as 12 minutes (generous estimation), he worked nonstop on a new engine, 2.0, and emerged from the time a prince of evil. He did no beta, but released it on unassuming serfs, some of whom may have actually thrown their cheese balls across the den in frustration.
The Dark Ages had arrived. Little scholarly advice was offered, because it was all drowned out by a butthurt Italian, referred to semi-affectionately as Gino. For nearly half a year, prophecies of doom filled the air, and then....
A SAVIOR. Unheralded and unassuming, this savior quietly built one of the most astoundingly mediocre resumes known to GD kind. Upon his urging, Norbert was crowned king, after the deposed JConte retired to a life of shuffle board, caviar, and agriculture, possibly in the northern parts of Iowa.
The Savior was quiet at first, but many rose up against him. "Babcick" insisted he didn't know what he was talking about, but he did. Jibe was sure that this Savior called a mental ward home, but shows what he knows. Nincompoop.
And it wasn't until the good King Norbert revealed plans for the 3.0 engine beta, the answer to all prayers, had been firmly announced, that the Savior felt it time to declare himself. And so he sat down, in order to watch a sorry Baylor basketball team get trounced by Kansas, iPhone in hand, that he tested the reading comprehension skills of his readers in determining who he was referring to as Savior.